Saturday, June 25, 2005

A Contemplation on Life...


Just found this really amazing picture while browsing thru a photoblog www.catchycolors.blogspot.com... It sort of touched me in some strange way I can't put my finger upon... The rivulet of pure white streaking into the sky along the snaky path seemed to remind me of life - the life of any given soul which comes into existence from nowhere - from the depths of darkness - and journeys along its charted course, spreading its aura with the passage of time and finally evaporates into nothingness - back to where it came from...

A life materializes in the form of a teeny weeny baby - pure white innocence - like the little trickle of the cloud that seems to emerge from the black silhouette... Its perspective slowly widens as it gathers ideas, attitudes and impressions from its immediate surroundings - like the little trickle that gradually widens to become a thin stream... The rivulet further snakes its way upward, depicting the varying phases of life - the ups and downs that one faces - the choices people make and the paths they choose to travel on... Growing older and wiser, any soul reaches out, yearning to seek that truth which it had set out to realize... Building upon its experiences, it grows in strength and forms its own circle of influence, just as the once-thin-strand-of-cloud expands, dissipating its rich storehouse of wisdom, enriching its surroundings (or polluting it, depending on the nature and characteristics of the person in consideration)... Finally, the soul merges into nothingness, going back to where it came from, sometimes after having realized the truth it had set out to seek... This particular life form is remembered and lives through many more generations in the minds of people, depending upon the degree of its value-add to the society...

And somewhere, another little trickle of cloud emerges from nothingness to fill the void - to fulfill its own mission - to mark the birth of yet another person... and thus continues the circle of birth and death...

Fachha here, Fachha there, Fachha-Fachha Everywhere...

The campus is now overflowing with the recent additions to the scenic brick-decorated campus - the Fachha-bachhas... Trailed about constantly by harried-looking parents with CONCERN written in bold all over their faces while their wards swagger around, confident and self-assured (atleast on the surface), chests puffed up with pride at the thought of having belled the CAT, trying to bravely act as if their parents didn't exist, desperately trying to find some group of fellow-fachhas they think they can identify themselves with... while (possibly) quaking inside with fear, scared by the stories they have heard about life on campus : the sleepless nights and hectic days !
The Tuchhas can be identified by their typical 'alag-sa' swagger - a statement by itself that sez - "Oh ye lowest forms on earth ! Look at us, who've risen in glory and are now the reigning spirits who haunt this campus, flaunting our free time and tuchha-specific-previleges !"


The latest happenings on campus and the sight of the fachhas scurrying about reminded me of similar days same time last year, when our batch stepped into the insti to form the next layer of MBAs to graduate from the much-talked about best B-School in Asia... The very thought of the journey of a fachha thru fachhadom evoked fond memories and set the philosophical machinery of my brain in motion, resulting in some random scribblings of mine which any interested reader can peruse at leisure on my other blog,
Soul Speaketh...

Of course, I identify myself with the latter species, though I cant exactly say how much of a swagger I put on... An amused smile on my lips, I watch in silence as I hear fachhas talking among themselves about the gyan they have got from their seniors, in the dorm and without... comparing notes about life on campus and the various systems in place to facilitate their orientation to and induction into the system of PGP...
It seems as if it were just yesterday that I was in the same position myself, amazed at the campus, the facilitating systems, the kind of help and support the seniors seem ready to extend, and so on and so forth - the list is endless... One year has passed since, and I've learnt loads of stuff - academic and otherwise - have grown a lot more wiser; This place definitely has the capability to transform each one of us in some way or the other - it ensures, with its high-stress environment and other uniquely peculiar ways, that we emerge as competent individuals who can hold our own at any given point of time with a comfort and ease thats strangely re-assuring to oneself and gives a kind of confidence most of us have never felt before...


Sigh ! One year already gone by... Time does fly, doesn't it ? I just can't imagine that I will be out of this place in less than a year and that might probably even mark the end of my life as a student - but then - I guess such thoughts and further contemplation on them can be reserved for later, much nearer to the time in question...

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Back to FORM... Live from Ahmedabad...

I know precisely how an iron filing feels if it is tied tightly to a post and a magnet is kept just out of its reach - of course - if the poor iron filing has a heart...
After three days of Chennai and three days of Bangalore - and then being transported from the cool garden city to the blazing lands of Ahmedabad, my feelings have very closely resembled that of the afore-mentioned poor iron filing... The bright sun who unflinchingly stares down at us in all his 41 degrees of glory unfortunately cannot be glared back at and put in his rightful place - the hot rays he generously bestows upon us have to be accepted humbly... It is perhaps the heat, or perhaps the few days I had at home, chatting with my folks after such a long time, wandering about in and out of my home fondly looking at and feeling the familiar objects that kindle sweet memories, or perhaps, the sight of my room on campus, the familiar brick walls of IIMA and my favourite haunts, nooks and corners of this place thats gotten to me... whatever be the reason, I had been feeling, for the past few days, pangs of some sort of feeling I cannot exactly put my finger on - something that seems to ask me - What are you doing here ? Is this what you exist for ? What exactly are you going to do in life ?... and so on...

I know these are zillion-dollar questions that take ages to answer - but at the root of these unsolved mysteries lies a very simple fact - I was homesick ! (atleast, thats my diagnosis...)
I felt homesick for almost the first time ever since I came to this city on June 23rd last year... When realization dawned upon me, I was taken aback by surprise coz I never thought that I would be the kind of person who would feel homesick, though I do love my folks and long to be with them etc. etc... I always prided on the thought that I was blessed with the ability to get easily adjusted to any place - as a person who loves travelling, I always was of the opinion that I am not the type who feels the need to hang on to one single place every second of my life... Probably the heat, or the thought that this would probably be the last year of my 'student life', or the taste of the nectar called home that I'd got when I went back for those 6 days made me feel this way...
Guess it will get alright once I settle down back into my usual routine here and start spending more time with my friends - once I start actively engaging myself in the wide array of activities I'm generally used to, the idle mind will turn from the devil's workshop that was spewing out the fire called homesickness into a heavenly garden filled with the strong invigorating scent of exotic flowers, nurtured by the energy dissipated by the machinery thats my brain...

Waiting eagerly for my spirits to rise...
Looking forward to the year ahead...

Friday, June 10, 2005

Logging in from Bangalore - 'chilling' away to glory !

Three days of incessant subjection to remarks like "Its been so long since I last saw you" and "Karuthu elachhi poitte" (for the benefit of non-tams, it translates into "You've grown darker and thinner since I saw you last") did not help my ego too much... I felt exactly the way a particularly weak drumstick would feel after being burnt fully black !
3 days of that in Chennai coupled with staying up until the wee hours of morning participating in the 3-day long 'Utsavam' left me so drained and weary that my eyes shut automatically the moment my head touched the hard berth in the train that was scheduled to bear me full speed to Banglore. My brain usurped power from me and took over, giving my body the much-needed sleep it had been demanding - I was so tired that even the regular rhythmic motions of the train which, under normal circumstances, would have resulted in a sleepless night with me twisting this way and that, morphed into a kind of hypnotising lullaby ! That, combined with the God-sent torrential downpour that came crashing on our heads in dry hot thirsty Chennai just before we left, managed to soothe me and lull me into a dreamless blissful sleep.

Waking up in Bangalore proved to be an amazing experience - the early morning reddish hue of the sky with the black sillhouette of the skyline and the cool breeze that gently caressed my cheeks - all that worked in unison to revive me and had me glued like a magnet to the window at 5.15 in the morning, which is remarkable, considering the state I was in the night before (nothing but the fact that the train was scheduled to halt at Cantt at 5.30 would have helped achieve this feat)
Once home in Banglaore, with a mock ritual, I sacrificed the day very generously (it did not need much goading) to a state of complete rest, curling up with a novel in a deep chair in the balcony overlooking the green Cubbon Park, getting frequent whiffs of fresh air from the swaying eucalyptus trees; a complete contrast to the hectic 3 days of 'holidays' at home in Chennai... Nevertheless, home is always home - whichever way you spend the time there...

So I humbly request you to leave me in that same state of peace relaxing blissfully at home in Bangalore... until I pick up my lethargic self and pen my next blog...

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Back in Business... Straight from the oven called Chennai !

Phew !!! I feel as if i'm under a barrage of reproachful doleful looks from my poor un-updated blog - chastising me for the long duration of disinterest I've seemingly displayed...
Of course - little does my poor blog know about the kinds of pressures I've been subjected to from so many other directions... With the end-of-internship presentation and report submission hanging over my head menacingly like a guillotine's horror combined with the peaceful complacency-inducing dreams of home-sweet-home, I was trying to jiggle around all the last minute visits and courtesy calls, and running a highly complex system of dynamic scheduling every second, with the starting point being my guide's schedule and his free time which proved to be quite a scant resource indeed !
However, nothing takes forever, u know... So finally that day dawned when I was done with the presentation, had had a nice little chat with the BU head, my guide and other people-who-matter in office... raised myself a few notches higher in terms of the respect, appreciation and good words people had for me... and was ready to leave bustling Bombay with its breezy 'watery' Drive, the famous vada-pavs, tall towers and multiplexes... the financial capital of India...
I took one deep breath of the Mumbai air and one last lingering look at the tiny toy-like city spread out below me as I zoomed away, gaining altitude - destination : Chennai !

As I flew into the loving arms of my eagerly waiting parents, I heard the familiar whirr of the water lorry, smelled the yummy coffee my grandmom was making for me, felt the soft fur of my cute bubbly kittens and heard the smile in my aunt's voice as she called out my name from inside the house. The familiar sight and smell of dear ole' home hit me hard and strong - my heart throbbed with a dull ache as I counted 5 months since I had last set foot here... I felt guilty looking at my grandmom ever so frail and weak, gazing lovingly at me, successfully masking the taunting voices that shouted in her head - "She's going to run away back again in 3 days !"
With a big sigh I stepped into my room - the one with a special view of the front gate - it was just as I had left it, with one of our kittens being the sole claimant to the seat of honour - my study desk and chair ! She lazily looked at me when I entered and climbed down slowly after a leisurely stretch, sacrificing what she thought was rightfully hers in a bout of generosity, with a look that said "Oh - U are back... What an inconvenience ! Hmmm... U can have my seat for a coupla days - I won't mind!"
The familiar surroundings, the welcoming grin of my dad coupled with one of his humorous one-liners, the touching concern of my mom, the challenge-for-friendly-duel looks of my aunt who I forever mistake for and think of as my playmate, friend and guide (which she is) and the caring royal treatment I recieve at the hands of my grandmom armed with delicacies which I truly relish... the combined force of the attack of all this leaves me aching for more - for a life of leisure and plenty - lying lazily around the house, treated like a princess !
And then some quality time spent at my dance and music classes chatting with my teachers and friends, dancing and singing away blissfully, glad to be back once again amidst all I truly love... and who reciprocate the love unconditionally...
Theres a three day function going on at my house which leaves zilch time for looking up old contacts and chatting with 'long-lost' friends... Nevertheless, I plan to definitely make time before I leave to revive old contacts and chat with old friends like the olden golden days of my childhood !

Oops ! Now I can hear the voice of my mom summoning me to my duties as a hostess, to welcome guests, to enquire after the 30-odd people who've gathered under our roof, to play the omnipresent helpful hostess (pretending to be useful, with my real utility being limited to asking my family members if I can be of any help), and to participate in the function as I should be doing, instead of being couped up in my room typing away to glory in order to pacify my poor neglected blog...

So am now bidding goodbye, until later...